Today had it’s challenges, but I also had a few “wins”. I somehow managed to have enough strength to decorate (fill in the gaps in the branches) of our Christmas tree – a project that took more than an hour to do. It wasn’t anything difficult, it was just time consuming and required me to be on my feet for longer than my body likes to be. I was already experiencing some muscle weakness and twitching earlier today and also as I was starting this project… but somehow… I managed to do it anyways.
I don’t know how to explain how much of a big deal this is for me. These episodes of muscle weakness that I experience usually require me to take it slow and only expend enough energy to just get the basics of everyday done. I don’t normally have “extra” energy beyond the basics when I’m experiencing these particular physical disturbances. Either my energy is zapped, or (more often than not) I have to make sure I don’t “over do it” and exacerbate my muscle weakness or make any of my other symptoms that go along with it worse, either.
But I “did a thing” today. A real thing. Something that mattered to me. Something that I had been wanting to do but struggling to do for many, many years – I wrote a blog post. Not a blog post for this blog, but my other blog. I turned my project of filling in the gaps of my Christmas tree into a tutorial for my other blog, and used that opportunity to lay one of the first bricks in building the foundation of that dream. It was my second long-awaited blog post for that blog. And the second blog post for that blog that I had published in the last week. It was a big moment for me today. I did something that I didn’t know if I was ever going to be able to do. Something that I doubted that I would ever be able to do. Something that it had felt for so long as if the universe was determined to stop me and keep me from ever getting started. But I did it. I actually laid another small brick on that foundation, and now I’m finally in the process of building something that I’ve waited a long time for.
I feel so grateful for that.
I don’t know if I’ll have the ability or opportunity to keep that blog going and keep it consistently active or for how long… I just know that I feel so much gratitude to have been able to dip my feet in the water of that particular puddle at all… I do hope, hope, hope that I get to keep going with it. It’s something that makes me feel more “alive” inside because it’s one more way for me to not only document and actually be able to look back and see what I accomplish (all the little things, but also whatever “big” things I may accomplish, too)… but also a way for me to share these small little “wins” with others…
I am just grateful right now. Really, really grateful. I feel a renewed sense of hope tonight, a renewed vigor and vim for this life of mine.
For that, alone, I am also so very grateful.
Good night, friends
-Stacy
