When I was a little girl there was always the question presented to me, “Stacy, what do you want to be when you grow up?” I wanted to be a great many of things. I wanted to be an artist, a singer, a musician, a veterinarian, but most of all, I wanted to be at home and take care of babies. When I began to understand that this question was implying that I must spend my waking hours away from home, I became discouraged and disappointed. I was expected by the world to contribute in a way that meant being away from home and my future children. All I really wanted to do was grow up and be a stay at home mom. That’s what I wanted most.
As I got older I went to school, figuring that the world had won and my only choice was to fit into it’s idea of career types. But I was discontent somewhere deep down. I was excited about starting something new and pursuing something I hadn’t before, but by the end of schooling I knew very well that preparing for career life was not the life meant for me. I still wanted to be home. That’s where I wanted to spend my days. I finished my education and immediately “retired” from my chosen career path. Luckily, I was a newlywed with a very supportive husband! At home I would be. Around this same time we found out we were expecting our first baby. My dreams were coming true!
Oddly enough, I had opposition in pursuing my dream of being a stay at home mom. Family and friends tried pushing me to go back to work and pursue the career that I had gained an education for. But something didn’t feel right any time I considered it. It wasn’t meant for me. That’s not how my life felt that it should go. Opposition persisted. Some judged me. Some looked down on me. Some called me lazy for not working outside of the home. But I knew that my choice was not a lazy one. I knew better. I knew already how much time, effort, and work a home needed. Not just a house, but a Home. A family. Families are a lot of work, and I knew it. This was my career. This was my chosen profession. This was my greatest contribution to the world – raising a family. All I needed to do was hold my head high and press on. I knew what was right for me and as I look back now, I think it’s because I knew somewhere deep down that this was what my Heavenly Father wanted for me. He had entrusted me with what I believe is the single greatest humanitarian effort in the world – Motherhood.
So here I am. At home. Is it everything I ever expected it would be? Yes and no. It’s not the dreamy perfect life that every little girl dreams of. But that’s okay in my book. I’ve learned that imperfect circumstances can still be good circumstances. It is a good life, when depression is not trying to pull me down. But it is good – and there’s potential for more good and I intend on finding as much good in it as is possible and making it the best life that one can imagine. Every now and again I get a glimpse, a taste, of the good life. A moment where life slows down, time touches eternity, and the meaning of life comes into view. A whisper tells me, “This. This is what you’re working for.” It’s in those moments that I taste an utter bliss that surpasses all understanding. It’s this life touching heaven on earth. This is why I am at home. This is why I chose to stay home and be Mom. This is why I have a family and we have each other. It’s in these moments that life has the most meaning that meaning can give. It’s everything I ever wanted and more. There are days where I touch heaven again and find that there’s more to be experienced here in family life than I had previously felt before. It’s in those moments where I feel that I am touching heaven that it feels as though there’s still more to be experienced yet. Life can be oh so good. It can be so good that it brings you to your knees in tears. I want to strive for more of those moments, the kind that can only be found here at home with the family.
I have chosen the ordinary life. The Good Life. I get up each morning and I choose it everyday. It doesn’t matter to me what the world may say. I know where I belong and I feel empowered here.
